Title: Whenever Kindness Fails
Category: AU, pre-slash
Summary: Mostly follows the events of the series, but without all that messy Kate business-- Sawyer admits to his attraction to Sayid fairly early on. Missing scene-type stuff and the like. Set during 1.11 (I *think* 'All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues')
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. *sigh*
Feedback: makes me veddy happy
He hadn't expected, hadn't *wanted*, to see Sawyer, not yet, not now. It was all too raw and he wasn't ready. But it was Sawyer who sauntered into the caves and over to Sayid.
"Nothing. So. You appear to have the upper hand this time. What did you come here to say?"
"Nothing in particular. Just... heard you were back in town."
The moment dragged on. Sawyer didn't say anything, but he looked pointedly at Sayid, at his bad leg, at his head.
"I can't stand this anymore..." Sayid shook his head, sighing. "Say something, or do something, or-- I left because I was ashamed, of what I did to you. I came back to warn the others. I can't do this right now, Sawyer..."
"Warn the others? 'Bout who did this to you?"
"The French woman. Rousseau."
"The one who sent those transmissions? Her? She's alive?"
"Yes. Very. And she says... we're not alone on the island. But... I don't know, Sawyer. The only person I have *seen* is her."
"You got beat by a girl." Sawyer snorted.
"A woman. With a rifle. And an effective snare trap. And a battery."
"Nevermind. If you're here-- If you want to punish me for what I did, I deserve it."
"Looks like Frenchy did that for me. Besides... I don't want-- Look, things got out of hand. You're sorry, I'm sorry. Forget it. You pissed at me for kissing Kate?"
"No, honest. Are you?"
"No." He swallowed thickly. "I have no right to be."
"You got every right to be pissed. Not so much to stab me, but you got the right to be pissed."
"Just tell me."
"I was... angry. Yes. Confused-- surprised, in spite of myself... I shouldn't have been. I'd always known you--"
"That's bull-- You did not always *know* I-- Yeah, I kissed her to piss you and the doc off. Yeah, I didn't kiss you. You ever think maybe I didn't want you whoring yourself out to me? That's the word you used, isn't it? Whoring?"
Sayid said nothing, eyeing Sawyer carefully.
"I don't care what Kate thinks of me. She don't have to like kissing me, she don't have to ever kiss me again. When I get to kiss *you*, it'll be because you want it much as I do."
He snorted, darkly amused. "When you-- You mean to say you still want--"
"We could start over."
"I can't do this right now. I... my head is going to explode if I keep-- Sawyer, I--"
"Just think about it. You wouldn't be jealous of Kate if you didn't want to kiss me."
"I didn't say jealous--"
"Angry, confused... sounds like jealous to me."
Sawyer stood, casting one last lingering look over the other man. "Just think about it. I figure I'll be done forgiving you by the time you get over yourself anyway."
"Then you'll have forgiven me before I forgive myself."
"I didn't think about you... when I let you-- when I let things get that far. About how you'd feel when it was over. That was my mistake."
"You I forgive. I don't think I could maintain the anger and disgust for both of us."
"Well, that's something, then, ain't it?" He laughed ruefully, and walked out of the cave.
Sayid let out a sigh, dropping back.
He'd think about it... for whatever that was worth.